Reasons for Living
by Moon Fever
Summary: Chi-Chi is feeling down after the death of Goku, her growing baby is kicking and with every nudge she feels a pang of sorrow, only her son Gohan can provide solace. Very melodramatic and weird!


Summary: Chi-Chi is being eaten away by her sorrow of Goku's death but for her son's sake, she presses through. Blah. I hate summaries. Death to the summary. I don't really know how this is so feedback is welcome.

Authors Note: Yes, I own Dragonball/Z/GT. Now worship me. (SARCASM)...anyway, since fanfiction.net can't handle italics and all that I've resorted to a HTML editor which I downloaded just specifically for this story. Yes, I'm sad. Ahem, ok. This story is waaay out of my usual, and is my first attempt at writing something that doesn't involve body fluids (apart from tears etc) and is supposed to be all soppy. Well, yeah. I don't know if I should carry this on to include Goten's birth or should I end it here. I wouldn't know...Ok, happy reading! 

Lord, please don't hate me.

For the loneliness I feared, has consumed my mind, my strength. 

My pillar of hope has crumbled and I feel lost, drowning in eternal pain.

Lord, do not condemn me.

For the sake of feeling loved.

For the sake of feeling beautiful once more...

Chi-Chi sat hunched in her humble wooden chair, every now and then her shoulders heaved with silent sobs. The sun burst through, illuminating the interior of the room she once shared with Goku, Chi-Chi sat in the chair beside her dresser, the mirror on the dresser reflected the expression on Chi-Chi's face. The anguish, and pain that seemed to be permanently creased on her face. Her arms were cradled around her stomach, aware of the life-form evolving inside of her, she cried. Chi-Chi cried for her loss and also the bittersweet irony Goku had left her. If it wasn't for the child growing within her, Chi-Chi would have joined Goku. To be reunited in love, but for the sake of the child she lived, enduring every day without the knowledge that Goku was returning soon tortured her.

Chi-Chi looked up, staring at her sorrowful expression. Her eyes were ebony, matching Goku's dark eyes. It was almost a dream, but somehow Gohan and her baby were pinching her, reminding her that she had to live through this. Chi-Chi stopped crying when she suddenly felt a nudge in her stomach. She gave a small gasp and bit her lip, eyes nearly overflowing. Walking wearily up to the window, she shut the blinds. The room falling into shadow. Chi-chi unbuttoned her traditional dress and laid it carefully over the chair. Walking with precise steps to her bed, she touched her stomach. Almost instantaneously she felt a small kick from her stomach right on her palm. Her eyes widened, a new sense filled her. She felt she had been transported to when Gohan had still been growing in her.

__

"Goku! He's kicking!" Chi-Chi smiled joyfully to her husband as he ran over to her and hugged her body. Goku looked up at Chi-Chi grinning, tears forming at the corner of his black eyes as he laid a large hand on Chi-Chi's bare swollen stomach.

"Can you feel him?" Chi-Chi asked, caressing Goku's spiked hair that was squashed by her chest.

Goku gasped in amazement. "I can...how do you know it's a he, Chi-chi?"

Chi-chi giggled and stroked his hair more as he put his ear onto her tummy. "Call it women's intuition but I'm sure he is a he AND that he'll become the greatest scholar yet!"

Goku laughed "A scholar?, so much for being like father like son"

Goku spread his palm on Chi-Chi's belly. He felt another kick hit directly underneath his hand. Chi-Chi winched in pain.

"That was a big one..." she said, while Goku rubbed her stomach to sooth her.

"I bet he'll turn out to be a warrior too judging from his kick"

Chi-Chi coughed " Goku, dear. Warriors and scholars don't mix and surely, I won't let him sacrifice his brain to fight!"

Goku raised an eyebrow. "Ok Chi-Chi.."

"What should we call our little boy Goku?"

Goku, raised a finger near his mouth and though. "I don't know, Chi"

Chi-Chi smiled "Well, how bout Einstein?"

Goku turned his back instantly and gagged, Chi-Chi watched him shaking unamused.

"What's wrong with Einstein?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes.

"it's a bit...uh, showy..."

Chi-Chi widened her eyes, and thought. "That's true Goku, we want a humble scholar..."

Goku's face lit up, as an idea for a name came into his mind.

"What about Gohan? After my grandfather?"

Chi-Chi looked at Goku silently for a moment, she gently took hold of Goku's hand and laid it on her stomach. Instantly Goku felt a small kick.

Chi-Chi and Goku both broke into a grin "I think our little boy Gohan likes that idea" Goku said, hugging Chi-Chi.

"Goku, I think this is the best time of my life" Chi-Chi whispered in his ear as she embraced his body, feeling for once in her life contented and at peace.

Chi-Chi lay on her bed, her thoughts clouded with happier memories. Goku wasn't here to support her anymore. She felt a slight taste of bitterness fill her mouth. Chi-Chi fumed over her life and how it had changed so dramatically over the past weeks. Chi-Chi stared at Goku's pillow, furious at him. For leaving her at this time, leaving her family incomplete and neglecting to give their newest child a father. The pillow had lost Goku's scent now, completely eradicated of it for now it was just filled with a smell of perfume. A perfume Goku had given to Chi-Chi years before, just after Goku's death Chi-Chi felt angry and betrayed that her husband would rather sacrifice his life then return to her. Chi-Chi in a spree of grief had ran around the house spraying everything she could find that smelt of Goku with the strong scent. To erase his memory. Little did she realise that over the next few days her anger would dissipate and leave her yearning for any trace of him. Chi-chi blinked furiously in her bed, fighting the ever flowing tears that had fallen down her face every day Goku had left. A timid knock interrupted her train of thought as her unborn child kicked within her.

"Mom?"

It was Gohan, her little boy with the polite voice. Chi-Chi sat up and pulled her blankets around her, hoping to pull a brave face for her son.

"Come in Gohan" Chi-Chi called, wiping her face with the blanket.

The door creaked open and sunlight from outside her bedroom fell into her room. Illuminating the wooden boards on her floor and the floral prints that decorated her walls. Gohan walked in softly, wearing a chinese style white shirt and smoky grey pants. His face was concerned as he walked to his mothers bed and heaved himself up to sit by her figure.

"Mom, are you feeling better?" Gohan asked, stroking away a strand of hair from Chi-Chi's face. It was strange, he thought. He'd never seen his mother look so unkempt before. Her hair was usually neat, no strand out of place but these past weeks she'd let it run free, merely tying it up in a messy bun. Her face was stained with tears and with the heart wrenching truth. Gohan realised she was heart broken, her soul torn by the death of his father.

He faltered slightly when he saw her mother had even neglected to dress herself this morning, her dress was folded neatly over the foot of her bed as she sat sorrowfully in her white camisole and white bloomers. Gohan noticed that she had her hands protectively against the roundness of her stomach again.

Gohan hesitated, she wasn't responding to him. Gohan drew a breath in and wrapped his arms around his mother, who collapsed against him as she started crying once more. Gohan felt tears forming too as he cradled his crushed mother, who lent on him heaving.

"Mom, it's ok..." Gohan's voice wavered as he patted her back.

"Gohan," Chi-Chi sniffed "I'm in so much pain..."

Gohan pulled back and looked into Chi-Chi's moist eyes before giving her a kiss on her forehead.

"You'll make it Mom, think about what you've still got for you. You've got friends and family who all see you as the strongest woman on earth"

Chi-Chi stared back into Gohan's face, and shook her head. "You remind me so much of your father"

Gohan looked taken aback "Listen to me mom, snap out of it." he stated firmly "you really need to. You can't live the rest of your life pining for him" Gohan's voice softened "He probably would have wanted you to live your life as normal anyway."

Gohan watched as Chi-Chi nodded slightly "I know, Gohan. But it's hard. How would you feel if the last time you saw your husband in person, he promised that he'll come back"

"Think about your baby," 

Chi-Chi whimpered.

"you've got to leave your grief behind"

"It's your 12th birthday soon isn't Gohan?" Chi-Chi murmured, stroking her stomach

"yeah..." Gohan looked at her questionly, suddenly she's changed the topic.

"I can't believe how much you've grown Gohan"

"Mom..."

"Promise me you'll never leave me like your father has" Chi-Chi whispered, as she picked up Gohan's hand and clutched it.

Gohan smiled warily, feeling her mother's warmth as she traced her fingers around his own.

"I promise" Gohan murmured as his mother started inspecting his hand.

"Do you think he's listening?" Chi-Chi said as she laid Gohan's hand to her cheek.

Gohan nodded feeling a single teardrop fall onto his hand as Chi-Chi held it.

"He's listening somehow"

"Do you want to feel your baby brother?"

Gohan gasped 'How do you know it's a boy?"

To Gohan's surprise, Chi-Chi laughed. A sound he'd hadn't heard for at least a month.

"you really are too much like your father, Gohan. Do you want to feel him move?"

Gohan stammered "Y-yeah.."

Chi-Chi smiled this time, just a small one with a tinge of sadness. She placed his hand on the bed as she lifted her camisole to reveal her swollen stomach. Gohan widened his eyes, his mother had never done such a thing before. Without hesitation Gohan placed a hand at the peak of the swell while Chi-Chi laid her own hand upon Gohan's.

"I think you ought to do his Gohan. Your brother would like it"

After a moment Gohan felt his brother move within Chi-Chi, a look of amazement washed over his face as he felt it kick against his hand.

"Wow..."

Chi-Chi looked at him warmly, "Thank you Gohan..."

Gohan raised an eyebrow at her. "for what?"

"For making me realise that I was being selfish. For grieving when I've got you two to be joyful about" Chi-Chi stood up and walked to the window, pulling the blinds open till her room was washed with the bursting sunlight. Gohan watched, captivated as he witnessed his mother becoming normal again.

Chi-Chi stood staring into her backyard, the backyard that was free from the chaos of the city and held the wonders of nature that Chi-Chi had so sorely neglected.

"Mom?" 

"Gohan..."

Gohan drew a deep breath in and walked up to his mother, clutching her arm as he lent on her body. 

"Why don't we go for a walk? And visit everyone?"

The two of them stood staring into the yard, into the distance where the mountains reigned supreme.

"Gohan, that's a great idea. Now get out while I--AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!" 

Chi-chi screamed as Gohan's dinosaur Icarus appeared at the window startling her, Gohan only merely laughed. His mom was returning back to normal... 


End file.
